not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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