Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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