ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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