I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
