Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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