The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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