my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
