Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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