i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
