i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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