Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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