you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
