maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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