I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
