Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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