I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
