my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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