My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
