Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
