i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
