haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The air taste purple.
Randomize
