I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
