I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
