why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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