he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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