We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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