i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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