so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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