he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
