At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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