Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
