Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
