Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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