Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
