New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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