i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
