Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
