Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
