im drinking this country out of the recession.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
