Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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