Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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