doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize