If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
