Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
