I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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