My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
