At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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