some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
