So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
