If i come over, it means nothing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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