I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
