Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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