am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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