Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
