We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
