how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
