i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize