i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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