he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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