So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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