Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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