I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
