next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
