I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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