Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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